Gold-standard consent should consist of the following elements:


There is clearly expressed agreement to participate in an activity.

We're looking for the presence of a yes, not the absence of a no.


All parties have the unfettered ability, knowledge, judgment, or skill to have a sexual interaction.


All parties are able to decide whether to participate in an activity based on a shared understanding of risk factors, risk tolerances, and other relevant facts.

At a minimum, you should proactively disclose contraception, STI risk factors and intoxication where appropriate.


A "no" should be immediately accepted without undue persuasion, influence, or intimidation to encourage someone to do something they've expressed hesitation about doing.

Any coercive tactics (e.g., threats, leveraging a power relationship) or pressure (e.g., making someone responsible for your disappointment, continuing to ask for something after a boundary is stated, or emotional manipulation) are expressly forbidden.


All parties are clear about what they are doing together and the boundaries of proposed activities.

Where there is a lack of specificity, participants act with heightened caution and attunement.


Consent must be given throughout the interaction, and it can be revoked at any time. If consent is revoked, play must stop immediately.

Partners should check in frequently, and especially when anything changes about the interaction (e.g., introduction of new people, activities, or levels of intensity.)

Consent Summary

  • Proactively ask for verbal consent.

  • If someone says “Maybe Later” - take this as a “No”.

  • Don’t be afraid to say “No”.

  • Don’t be afraid of asking & hearing “No” - this isn’t a bad thing.

  • You can revoke consent at any time.

  • Agree on a consent system before beginning to play.

  • It’s ok to ask.

Play and Role Play Check-in Techniques

Agree in advance to ensure consent throughout the play scene.

  • Green - Yes / I am OK

  • Look in to eyes, blink once for Yes / I am OK

  • Red - Stop immediately

  • Three grunts or sounds - Stop immediately

  • Ball dropping from hand - Stop immediately

  • Agreed Safeword - Stop immediately