Gold-standard consent should consist of the following elements:


There is clearly expressed agreement to participate in an activity. 

We're looking for the presence of a yes, not the absence of a no. 


All parties have the unfettered ability, knowledge, judgment, or skill to have a sexual interaction.


All parties are able to decide whether to participate in an activity based on a shared understanding of risk factors, risk tolerances, and other relevant facts. 

At a minimum, you should proactively disclose contraception, STI risk factors and intoxication where appropriate. 


A "no" should be immediately accepted without undue persuasion, influence, or intimidation to encourage someone to do something they've expressed hesitation about doing. 

Any coercive tactics (e.g., threats, leveraging a power relationship) or pressure (e.g., making someone responsible for your disappointment, continuing to ask for something after a boundary is stated, or emotional manipulation) are expressly forbidden.


All parties are clear about what they are doing together and the boundaries of proposed activities. 

Where there is a lack of specificity, participants act with heightened caution and attunement.


Consent must be given throughout the interaction, and it can be revoked at any time. If consent is revoked, play must stop immediately. 

Partners should check in frequently, and especially when anything changes about the interaction (e.g., introduction of new people, activities, or levels of intensity.)

Consent Summary 

Play and Role Play Check-in Techniques 

Agree in advance to ensure consent throughout the play scene.

What to do if your consent is violated?