Femme Domme SIG Values

Values to which We Aspire in BDSM

The following are Values and behaviours which we believe make an Ideal Dominant. We aspire to them. But we are human, too. We seek to help each other progress towards and to be accountable in demonstrating these Values in our BDSM lives.

Respect, Responsibility, Trust

 
  • Respect others as equal individuals.
  • Respect other people’s roles, choices and orientations.
  • Respect other people’s scenes and relationships.
  • Take responsibility for yourself, your submissive(s) and your actions.
  • Be trustworthy and fair.
  • Trust, show confidence in and be accountable to yourself, your submissive(s) and others you encounter.
  • Give others the space to do their best and succeed.
  • Be open and encourage your submissive to open up in BDSM play.
  • Make sure everything you do in BDSM reflects well on the SIG and the general BDSM community.

Open Communication

 
  • Communicate fully, clearly, positively  and truthfully.
  • Listen carefully and ask questions to ensure you understand.
  • Negotiate fully and safely; and obtain informed consent before any play commences.
  • Obtain post-play feedback.
  • Be polite, friendly and open when dealing with others.

Loving Authority, Consistency, Discipline, Support
  • Practice and develop positive, loving authority and power exchange.
  • Practice consistency in all behaviours and demands.
  • Administer loving discipline when required for correction and fun; without anger or resentment.
  • Show courage, assertiveness and confidence.
  • Find ways of helping and supporting other people positively.
  • Value your submissive(s) and their gift of submission.
  • Be patient and compassionate.

Generosity of Spirit, Reciprocity

 
  • Give freely of yourself and your resources to support the learning and development of others.
  • Ensure that if you accept the gift of service or love that you find a way to reciprocate appropriately.
  • Recognise that each partner gains from pleasing the other.

Safety, Privacy

 
  • Play safely at all times.
  • Practice and refine your techniques and skills.
  • Recognise the importance of continuous education and skill development.
  • Recognise safe words (or equivalent) and act immediately on them.
  • Respect your own limits and those of your submissive.
  • Know the effects and intensity of toys, equipment and play before beginning a scene.
  • Ensure the privacy of everyone you encounter in the BDSM community is fully maintained.

Fun, Life Balance

 
  • Have FUN!
  • Create balance in your life.
Note: While drafting these Values, the Femme Dommes expressed their concerns relating to certain behaviours or expectations (other than issues covered by our safety requirements), which, in the BDSM context, could leave people particularly vulnerable. The SIG seeks to support its participants and protect them from such experiences, which, for clarity, are listed below.
    • Predatory behaviour by either Dominants or submissives.
    • Other Dominants dominating or touching a submissive without that submissive’s consent or the consent of his/her Domme.
    • Play with partnered submissives without the consent of that submissive’s partner. While the decision is a personal one in all cases, generally the SIG’s Femme Dommes do NOT condone play without such consent, for safety and humanistic reasons.
    • Toys and equipment belonging to Dominants will not necessarily be available for scenes. Submissives are encouraged to supply their own toys for Health and Safety reasons.

We want to emphasize that normal respect, friendliness and social interaction is always fine by us!